Why We Should Fraternize with the Enemy

In 2019 I began a Dinner Church in my home. I invited everyone (yes, everyone) from my rural town in northcentral Illinois seeking connection and faith based conversation to join me and my family around our dinner table.

The week before our first meeting, my retired, country neighbor stopped by with a gift for my boys. His face crinkled with his wise and witty smile as he handed me an old, glass chess board. It was then that I invited him and his wife to join us for the meal.

“Bring your friends! Anyone is welcome,” I told him.

“Bring my friends?” he repeated. His stifled grin could barely be contained as I responded, “Yes!”

“What about my enemies? Can I invite them too?” He searched my eyes with intention, the grin now a wide, toothy show of humor… and challenge.

I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped. The question halted and rerouted my thoughts. I mean, of course, he could invite anyone - I said that, right?

After he walked back home, I couldn’t stop asking myself - are my enemies invited? I thoughtfully reasoned that I offered an open invitation to literally everyone in my community. But… what if someone I didn’t particularly care for showed up? In my home? And wanted to eat at my table?

I honestly hadn’t thought about that possibility until that interaction with my neighbor. From that moment on, my definition of hospitality changed.

Hospitality is the open posture we hold towards someone else. If we stand, arms extended wide, curating a safe space for another to be, we are demonstrating hospitality. Being hospitable doesn’t require us to abandon our core values, adjust our belief system to align with the other, or acquiesce to aggressive behavior.

Jesus models this kind of radical behavior throughout his life when he engages with a multitude of people who rank in higher status than him, worship different gods, and disagree with and challenge him face to face. Jesus maintains his open posture throughout his interactions, teaching and relationship building. Even in his death on the cross, his arms remain extended wide.

I’d hazard a guess that most of us would claim we “have no enemies.” The word enemy makes me think of a battlefield with opposing sides drawing swords. A good synonym for enemy is opponent. An opponent is someone who opposes you. An opponent could be facing you across the 50 yard line or sitting at your dinner table articulating a different political value than you. An opponent might be someone who experienced the same event you did - but your different vantage points left you with a broken relationship. An opponent might be someone who doesn’t want you to succeed in the workplace, but will still grab a drink with you after your shift. Suddenly enemy becomes a word we can more readily relate to.

In his Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), Jesus clearly commands the type of posture we are to hold towards our neighbors and our enemies. It is one and the same - a posture of love. “Love your enemies” is a message I’ve carried with me since my Sunday school days. And yet… I’ve only just learned what that actually looks like as an adult.

Jesus also explains why we need to love our enemies.

"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:46-48)

Jesus isn’t demanding perfectionism here. Rather, he is setting a high standard for what love looks like - he loves everyone, and we should as well. When we love our enemies - our opponents - we stand out against a culture that lures us into choosing sides, cancelling people with the push of a button, and ghosting people we once loved. Loving our enemies is countercultural.

I want to make this claim as well - as its something I’ve observed in the past decade as social media has shaped our world. When we only love and associate with people who look, think and act like us, we lose our ability to think critically.

This is why we see such polarization in our belief spectrums. Rather than engaging with people in healthy, safe conversation, we cancel anyone who thinks contrary to us and move towards people who support and even coddle our belief systems.

Loving our enemies can move our enemy-focused social climate into remission. To be clear - we can love through safe boundaries as well. Love is an open posture, arms open, defenses down.

The next time you consider having someone join you at your table, ask yourself if you might invite an enemy instead of a friend.